Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize