It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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