my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
