Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
