I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
