Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
