I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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