Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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