How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
