drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize