I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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