I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
