Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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