She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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