i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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