It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
