If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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