I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
