i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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