A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
