evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
