I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
