You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
then he tried to convert me to islam
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
