Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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