You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
