This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
