is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
