I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
