ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
