Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize