Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just invented taco cereal.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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