you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
