Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
