Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
