I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
