we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pants are for mortals
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
