Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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