She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
