I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
