The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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