i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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