Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize