So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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