took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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