we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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