No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
