She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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