I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
