mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
