Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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