PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
