Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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