How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
