My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
