3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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