Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
