There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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