I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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