Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
