tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
