Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
