Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
