It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
