Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
