If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
