happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
