I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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