why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
