I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
