Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
