She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
