My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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