You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
