part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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