Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
