see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
