If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
