That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
