were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
