Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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