Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
