whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
