Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
