Will you blow on my dice?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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