I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm having to shit out rocks
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
