you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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