Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to feng shui this bitch.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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