WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize