Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
