Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
