I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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