I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Be still, my beating vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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