In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
