the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
