the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
