Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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