She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize